Encouraging Independent Play in 4 Steps

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Gain time to yourself every day by supporting your toddler’s independent play.

In this blog post, you will find out why independent play is important for your toddler and how you can start implementing it today.

Doesn’t it sound amazing to have some time to yourself throughout the day where you can get things done or maybe just relax?

A short time when you don’t hear “Mom, can you play with me?”, “Mom, come here, I want to show you something.”, “Mom…” would be great, wouldn’t it?

Being a toddler parent often means

that we don’t get to do anything by ourselves and it feels like no matter what we do there’s always this tiny human attached to us. 

I mean even going to the bathroom by ourselves is often a mission impossible. 

Don’t get me wrong it’s wonderful to have a little human depending on you and who loves you so much that they wanna spend every minute of the day with you.

And yet sometimes, only sometimes, it would be nice to be able to do something by yourself. 

Just the other day

I got to run errands all by myself and I totally forgot what it was like not to have a toddler with me, that I have to get in and out of the car at every stop. 

If you haven’t done this in a while either then let me tell you what happened. I ran all my errands and still had 90 minutes to spare before my hair appointment. 

Can you imagine? Having an hour and a half to spare?  

I was thrilled. So I did something I haven’t done in a long time. I was browsing through a store for fun and there was no one saying “Hey, mom can I look at this?”, “Hey, mom look what I’ve found.”, “Hey, mom…”.  I know you can relate and it’s needless to say that I enjoyed every minute of it, but I needed to say it for myself.

Anyway,

let’s get back to what we can do to give us a little bit more time to ourselves or time for us to get something done when we’re at home. 

It doesn’t matter if you want some time to yourself to read a book, talk to a friend, drink a cup of coffee, or do some chores. 

What matters is that you are clear about it, tell your child what you are doing, and come back to them after you are done.

We’ll go a bit more into detail about this later in this blog post.

First, let us start with what this means for your toddler because introducing independent play does not only help you get some time to yourself to recharge but also helps your toddler learn many different things.

For example, they learn:

• how to occupy themselves, 
• find things to do without being entertained, 
• being persistent and solving small problems on their own. 

Independent play also fosters your child’s imagination and creative play and helps them become patient and resilient.

But playing independently isn’t an easy task for young children. 

A toddler’s brain isn’t fully developed and their concentration span is still quite short (5-20 minutes depending on age). 

This is different when they are engaging in free play. And playing outside or in their room without you or another child requires a bit of practice. 

As babies, they are depending on us for everything, while as toddlers, they learn what they are capable of and start to become more independent.

Which can be scary, exciting, frustrating, overwhelming, and fun. Sometimes all at the same time. 

If you think of it…this never changes. Whenever we do something new, we feel the same way our children feel. 

First, we get excited…

…then a bit scared because it’s outside of our comfort zone. Then we might feel a bit overwhelmed because we aren’t sure if we can do it and after a while, we feel confident and have fun.

So please keep this in mind when you start encouraging your toddler to play independently.

Ok, let’s get to the interesting part. How can you help your toddler to play more independently?

How how can a tiny human that needs us for almost everything become independent? 

This isn’t only a question I was asking myself at some point but also a question that I hear a lot when I talk to other parents. 

And since I know how much it will make life easier when your child can keep themselves occupied for a while I’ve gathered these four tips that you can implement today. 

These tips will help your toddler become more independent and get you closer to these precious times to yourself throughout the day. 

Do you want to start setting and keeping boundaries easily? My Boundaries Mini Guide will help you with that.

4 Steps to Independent Play

#1

Be consistent and practice every day

#2 

Do it after quality time so your toddler’s attention cup is filled

#3

Give them a tangible time frame and stick to it.

#4

Extend the time frame as you go

Let me describe the individual steps in a bit more detail.

#1 Be consistent and practice every day

This step might seem quite obvious but it’s one of the hardest to do. 

Our lives as parents are often so busy and packed that, at the end of the day, we have tons of things we didn’t get to. 

So I encourage you to find a short time throughout your everyday life solely to focus on independent play. 

Don’t worry. I’m not talking about hours. 

In the beginning, it will only take a few minutes and later on, this time will be extended. But that’s the time you will have to yourself.

The time you block for independent play doesn’t have to be the same every day nor does it have to be the same length. You can fit it in at any time that works for you. 

After a while, you will develop a feeling for when your toddler is ready to play independently. Your child might even leave the room and start playing on their own.

#2 Do it after quality time so your toddler’s attention cup is filled

Let me start this step with a question. When do you want some time to yourself? 

Right, after interacting with others. As adults, this might have a different reason but for our children, it means that their need for attention and affection is met when we spend quality time with them. 

This can look different every day, for each child and doesn’t require any planning.

Maybe you go to the playground, engage in role-play, bake a cake, investigate some ants carrying a leave, or simply listen to what your toddler has to say.

It’s not important what you do with your child but that you give them your full attention. Yes, I mean without checking your phone. Sorry.

After your toddler had your full attention for a while, that’s when they are ready to play independently. 

Note: Always make sure your child isn’t tired, hungry, or thirsty either. That’s when they will need you again.

#3 Give them a tangible time frame and stick to it

Patience is something many of us adults still have a hard time with. The fact that we have things like same-day delivery and endless ways of instant gratification doesn’t help that.

So it’s not surprising that it’s quite hard for young children to become patient.

Therefore it is important to give your toddler a tangible timeframe when you introduce independent play.

But what is a tangible timeframe? 5 Minutes? 

No, that’s not tangible for a child. “I am going to load the dishwasher and then I’ll be back.” however, is.

In the beginning, chose short activities that are easy to understand for your child. 

Let’s stick to the dishwasher example. In this case, you can leave the room and load the dishwasher and go back to your toddler. 

But if your child comes to the kitchen and asks for you you can show them that you are not ready. 

It is visible and has a clear end once the dishwasher is fully loaded or no more dishes are on the counter. 

Why this is important, you wonder? It’s important because it leaves no interpretation. The more clear things are the easier it is for your toddler to understand and accept things.

The most important part of this step is that you stick to the timeframe that you give your child. So, when the dishwasher is loaded and your child is still playing go back to them as you said.

I know it’s tempting to just do something else while they are playing but I ask you not to do it. 

At least not in the beginning. Once independent play has become a regular part of your everyday lives then you don’t have to tell your toddler everything you are doing.

But at first, your child needs to know that they can trust your word and that you will come back after that said time. 

Remember, this is a difficult task for many young children and it takes time, practice, and trust for them to play independently. 

Independence comes after we were dependent and when we feel safe to go out on our own.

#4 Extend the time frame as you go

This step is pretty self-explanatory but there are two things I want you to keep in mind.

• First, there is no set time when you encourage independent play. You are the parent and know your child best. You know when your toddler is ready to play by themselves for a while.

• And secondly, patience is a virtue. I know, I know. But as cheesy as it sounds it holds some truth. What I mean is that increasing the timeframe is crucial.

It needs to be adjusted every day. Maybe one day your toddler is not up for independent play because they need more affection while on other days they easily play for 15 minutes.

Pushing the timeframe or forcing your toddler to occupy themselves might lead to the opposite outcome.

Being patient and slowly extending the times will help your toddler enjoy independent play and give you some time to yourself.

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Conclusion

When you are encouraging independent play always make sure the room your toddler plays in is safe for them and you can hear them. Find a short time every day to practice preferably after you spend some quality time together. Give your child a tangible timeframe and stick to it, so they can trust your word and get used to playing by themselves. Adjust the time for independent play and see what works best for you and your child. You’ve got this.

I’d love to hear your thoughts about this. And please don’t hesitate to share this blog post with a parent that could benefit from it.

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