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In this blog post, I will show you why making mistakes is part of being a good parent, and how you can use it to become a great one.
I’m not a perfect mom. I make mistakes. I have bad days and moments when I don’t even like myself and don’t feel like a good parent at all.
You think I shouldn’t say that when I help families?
I disagree.
Knowing and teaching how to gentle parent children doesn’t mean we never have bad days.
And saying that we don’t have them would be a lie and picture an unrealistic ideal that does not exist.
We are humans raising humans, who experience a huge variety of emotions that make our lives unique and interesting. We need to make mistakes, to learn from them.
It’s time
It’s time that we stop believing that anyone is parenting a child without ever having a moment of doubt, guilt, or bad days.
Instead, we need to be honest and open about what parenting can look like when we know the right tools, and what is an unrealistic expectation.
Let’s stop believing that we are failing as parents and start working towards this real, achievable goal. A realistic goal on our journey of parenthood. To be a great parent and create a parent-child relationship based on trust, understanding, and unconditional love.
With this being said, I’d like to take you on ‘one of those’ days with my daughter. In the end, you can decide if you agree or disagree.
Let me take you on ‘one of those’ days
A few days ago I woke up and knew that this would be one of those days.
And sure enough, it started as a, let’s say suboptimal day. I don’t know if you know the book “The grumpy monkey”.
But it’s a book about a monkey that woke up one day and felt like the sun was too bright, the sky too blue, and the bananas too sweet.
That pretty much sums up the day I was about to have, which wouldn’t have been too bad if there wasn’t this tiny human that spends her days with me.
You are a parent. You know what it means when you are not in a good mood. Exactly, your toddler won’t be a ray of sunshine either. It’s no secret that our mood and attitude determine how a day with our children turns out.
So, even though I was not feeling it I tried to make this day an at least semi-good one.
Nothing seemed to work
We tried yoga, went outside, and watched some tv.
But nothing worked. My mood didn’t improve at all, it even got worse.
It just felt off and even though I know better I couldn’t help but have these little fights with my almost 4-year-old.
I still can’t wrap my head around the fact that this kid is turning 4 in a few short weeks.
But let’s not drift off.
I found myself wanting this day to just be over. I felt guilty because I wasn’t as patient as I wanted to be. I didn’t want to play, felt irritated every time I heard the word ‘Mama’. And the worst thing was that I was constantly a second from snapping at Kaylee which was frustrating.
And then, after what felt like an eternity, it was finally bedtime. The time, I was waiting for most of the day, arrived when this happened.
Something that made me rethink all of it and wonder why we as parents do this.
I didn’t see that coming
I sat by Kaylee’s bed and read to her. After we finished reading ‘Frederick’, I was about to apologize for being in a bad mood. At least I wanted to end this day on a positive note.
But for whatever reason, I hesitated. Instead, I asked her: “How was your day?” I don’t even know why I asked because I didn’t want to hear how bad I made it for her. But the question was out before I could make up my mind, so I prepared myself for a huge load of mom guilt when Kaylee said: “Good.”
Wait, what? You can surely imagine that I was more than surprised by her response. So I asked: “What did you like about today?” And she said: “The swing and that Sarge (our dog) played with me. I jumped on the trampoline. We had fun.”
And there it was. I thought we had a terrible day and I felt so bad about it. Only to find out that my daughter somehow experienced a totally different day.
When we lose focus as parents
As parents, we are often so focussed on what we didn’t do right, or what we didn’t get done, that we lose sight of what we did accomplish and what went well.
I was reminded that sometimes we need to take a step back to change our perspective and don’t assume that our perception is true for our children.
Even though I dread days when I’m not the mom I want to be for my daughter I’m grateful for them.
Yes, I’m grateful for them. Maybe not the day of and not the day after but at the end of a week when I think about everything that has happened, I am.
I mean think about it. If we only had great days, we wouldn’t have a chance to learn from our mistakes, we wouldn’t be able to grow as a person or be real role models for our children.
I know we hear a lot about ‘good’ role models but I like to call them ‘real’ role models simply because it’s not about trying to be perfect all the time.
We are all only human
How are our children supposed to learn to cope with all emotions when we only let them see a few of them? Or when they whiteness that we beat ourselves up for feeling angry, sad, and disappointed?
We are all human and make mistakes, have bad days, and don’t always react in the most loving ways, which is ok. That’s life. That is real. And without the bad days, we wouldn’t recognize the good ones let alone appreciate them.
Always remember
Making mistakes is part of being a good parent. And the way we use them is helping us become great parents.
So next time you are having ‘one of those’ days I’d like you to remember that you are a good parent. Not perfect but real, and that is exactly what your child needs. A real mom. A real dad.
Our toddlers learn that we make mistakes too, that we have feelings and bad days, just as they do.
That is what helps us create a connection with our children.
This is a chance to become great parents
The moment we can relate to our toddler’s emotions and realize that we are all learning every day, gives us a chance. It gives us the chance to react differently, work on our communication, be more compassionate and change our perspective.
Go ahead, and ask your toddler how their day was before you beat yourself up about not being your best self.
What really matters
Give yourself the benefit of the doubt and keep in mind that a bad day doesn’t make you a bad parent. A bad day is a chance for you to learn from not a sign that you are failing.
It doesn’t matter that we make mistakes. What matters is how we deal with them, how we talk to our kids about these moments, and what we learn.
The things we can control
And that is the part that we can control. We can learn about the right parenting tools. There are many strategies that help us get through tantrums, stop power struggles and communicate on an eye-to-eye level. We just need to have the courage to take action.
Use your mistakes to become a great parent
And that is it.
The key to using your mistakes to become a great parent. Be you, own your mistakes, and learn from them. Use them to get a better understanding of your toddler’s emotions, and needs and connect with them on a more compassionate level.
By the end of the day what counts is that bond you build with your toddler. A bond based on trust, understanding, and unconditional love.
We are allowed to be real and make mistakes, don’t you think?
I’d love to hear your thoughts about this. And please don’t hesitate to share this blog post with a parent that could benefit from it.
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